Her Majesty, the Freedom Fighter

I'm sure most here have played, or at least checked out the UK so I won't go into details regarding their politics and POPs in the beginning. I have the liberals in charge although majority of the voters are stubborn Tories and a quarter wants to roll straight back to the dark ages. There are couple of social reforms enacted but they must be crazy if they think I'll pay for it, too!


I managed to get alliance offers from Sweden, Paraguay and - Texas. Aha! The first two we can ignore, since one is a backstabbing dog (which you will find out soon) and the other a landlocked piece of dirt. Since my near-divine duty is to ensure the independence of world's nations, it seemed a brilliant idea to ally with the Texans and help them defeat the vicious Mexicans. But more on that a bit later.

Although HM's Fleet is largest in the world, it was - to my shock, made of wood! A quick request to the liberal loonies in parliament and the government merrily agreed to finance my great reformation of the Royal Navy, using the taxpayers' hard earned cash to build a massive fleet of steamers instead of wasting it on secondary priorities like healthcare and education. Costs would be cut by using the old ships as fuel. I was also in need of new naval bases, so turning the southern half of India into a massive harbour seemed practical.

I had an awful lot of useless Indian minors in my sphere of influence and I deemed it necessary to have a few addition to it. I decided to start influencing Japan, Brazil and Portugal as they are all relatively large and powerful third-tier powers with abundant natural resources and no internal independence movements to support. Well, that goes for Japan and Brazil at least. Portugal is needed on my sphere so I can take on properly with the evil Spaniards who still oppress the helpless natives of their colonies in Cuba, the Philippines and Catalonia.


But let's get back to Central America. As I predicted the Texans soon sent an official letter stating something along the lines: "We honestly didn't ally you because of the 20 000 Mexicans sitting in our capital but could you still come and drive them away, please?"


A fleet was dispatched to blockade the western coast of Mexico and 30 000 troops were loaded onto old clippers back in England with fingers crossed for the vessels to actually make the journey across the Atlantic with parts of them already chopped for firewood.

Halfway through the ocean the men suddenly realise they forgot their leading officer back in England. Damned war office always messing things up. He would be sent to Texas immediately as a first class package through the Royal Mail, but the men knew they'd have to get along on their own for a while.

The forces were unloaded in Houstan where the whole Texan army had been slaughtered recently. My glorious army fought incompetently but in the end of the day managed to defeat the Mexicans thanks to the far superior numbers.


Their new commander also arrived to the scene just in time after the battle had finished.

I chased the army to Austin where things went a bit better thanks to Cochrane. I decided not to follow the enemy to their soil after their defeat quite yet, but instead to retake the Texan capital and dispatch a cavalry brigade to reoccupy Lubbock in northern Texas. I also shipped a bunch of Canucks to the south for additional support.

Unfortunately the Mexicans decided to act in an ungentlemanly fashion and assault my defenceless cavalry brigade. As a revenge I sent the Canucks after them and chased them around the Mexican-Texan border.


I was a bit surprised that there were so few Mexican troops around considering they had mobilized their entire peasant population. I decided to look around if I could find an answer to this mystery, which I did:


Although I understand they'll rather spend their siesta in a cosy Caribbean jungle than in the vicinity of Her Majesty's army, I cannot tolerate such violation on British soil! If they want to play harsh, then that's what they'll get!


I managed to retake all of Texas apart from Lubbock in May 1837, but the siesta was over and the Mexican conscripts were rolling northwards and to my horror I realised that my troops were terribly outnumbered. Luckily my first squadron of steamer transports were finished and I could send a second patch of troops to the Caribbean.


Time to set up the Alamo and wait and see whether the reinforcements arrive in time.

Enewald said:

I suggest that you start by conquering China.
Then you get enough soldiers and taxpayers.

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That would go against my own goals.

Though I will have to clash with the titan at some point.

With the Mexican hordes approaching liberated Texas once again, I decided to gather up my men to San Antonio, hoping this won't turn into the Alamo after all.

Just before crossing the border they offered me white peace. Hah! If those savages think Her Majesty is ready to submit to their demands they are going to be greatly disappointed. Granted; a large, fresh army of men ready to fight to death is a rather convincing basis for their suggestion, but I can't abandon my cause in front of every little obstacle.

The battle didn't start too good, but it's no wonder considering the Mexican army is led by a man who prefers to introduce himself as a ”wrathful warmonger”, while I have a mere diplomat in charge. So, kind words and mumbo-jumbo won't be of much help in this situation Mr. Cochrane, you better use those rifles instead.


The results weren't too impressing even though I managed to defeat the attackers, I'll let the numbers speak for themselves.


I decided to let my main army rest for a while, sending the Canucks after Santa Anna's fleeing men and hired a new general. With a master's degree in firepower, I hope Mr. Grant will give the Mexicans their well deserved beating.


My reinforcements from England arrived around the time Cochrane managed to convince the Mexicans that the UK government means them no harm and value their international contribution even though the two nations' views on Texan independence are in conflict and I immediately sent them marching towards El Paso where the next battle would take place, here's my brilliant battle plan (don't let the simplicity fool you!):


Halfway through the battle of El Paso the Texans notify me that they have decided to sign a peace with the Mexicans and would have a party later on in Austin. Well good riddance! It's not like they were of much help anyway. I also received alliance offer from the Netherlands and Belgium, both mumbling something about an “unresolved problem.” I shrugged and concentrated on the war.


The Britons managed to win in El Paso, but I was very disappointed of Grant's performance. Casualties mounted on both sides (6000 Mexicans and 3000 Britons to be more exact), but he convinced me to continue the chase into Las Cruces which resulted in a triumph for the Empire!

Meanwhile in Europe, Spain decided it was a good time to invade Morocco while my concentration was elsewhere. Well, their time will come soon.


I kept chasing Santa Anna's army around for a while until their total annihilation in Santa Fe. I left the Canadians to occupy Las Cruces and Cochrane's men were dispatched to Laredo where a bunch of farmers were waiting to be shown the might of Her Majesty's disciplined army.


They were quickly annihilated and I tasked Mr. Cochrane to start occupying the area south of Texas. His attempt at winning the hearts and minds to our side was quickly interrupted by a new wave of Mexicans. They must have institutionalised breeding to be able to constantly recruit new men! Perhaps something for the Whigs to consider instituting back home.


I chased their fleeing bands of peasants to Monterrey and then onwards to Saltillo where their army was once again completely destroyed.

Suddenly a Colombian ambassador sent a request for military access in their war against - Brazil!? I enquired why on earth did they need an access through British soil when the two shared a border! The ambassador just shrugged but seemed convinced that their army needed to be able to skip along through God knows what part of the Empire.


In the north I managed to take over one of the worthless Mexican desert states moved on to occupy the next one. The war seems to be going well at the moment.



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@josephusdaniels: Glad you like it and welcome aboard! I can guarantee the ass-kicking will involve quite a bunch of (other) empires.

@lordvagrant: They should introduce this tradition here in Northern Europe.

Enewald said:

Nasty Columbians with their devilish plans. An attack which no one could expect...

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They probably surprised themselves with it too.

badger_ken said:

great idea for an AAR - subscribed

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The_Tom said:

I say, what an excellent read this was.

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Thanks and welcome aboard!

Zzzzz... said:

A world police AAR? YES! Liberate Philippines from the evil Spanish, please also you should keep an eye on those Colombians and their sophisticated plans.

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You mean MAX POWER? On my to-do list.

Quacky said:

Freedom for all (except those in my empire)

This could get quite funny.

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The difference is, of course, that people want to be part of my empire.


I'll try my best to make this AAR at least a little amusing.

Ceeker said:

:rofl:

Subscribed.

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Hope you enjoy your stay!

It doesn't take even a full month before yet another Mexican horde appears in the horizon, heading towards my men in Morelos. My men managed to win the battle even though their reinforcements didn't make it in time.


I send the main army into chasing the enemy but the men realise once again that they have left Cochrane behind, probably sipping sherry on some beach resort.

With the war going so well and portions of Mexico under Her Majesty's administration already, I add the state of Yucatan to my list of demands in case of future wars – I have a feeling that Belize might be too small a strip of land to stand alone.


Meanwhile, the vicious Turks annex Tripoli and the Bolivians are forced to cede their share of the Amazonas to Brazil. Back in England I loaded 9000 horses on shiny new steamers and an equal amount of men to go with them. I hope I can deal with the Mexican threat without the need to ship in more reinforcements.

While my main army is chasing what I presumed to be majority of the Mexican peasant army, I am surprised to suddenly see another large enemy division launching an assault on my men, this time in Monterrey. I dispatch reinforcements from El Paso but the men are intercepted by a Mexican attack in Morelos, leading to a shameful defeat in Monterrey. Good god, how can they be so effective! Her Majesty's armies should be able to just skip along through Mexico without any noticeable resistance. I tried consulting the war office about whether they have better tactics in store than just blindly marching towards the enemy in nice formations, but they were too busy planting medals on each others' chest to pay any attention.


Around the same time my main forces managed to win the battle of Delicias by an inch and continued following the Mexicans towards Chihuahua (not a dog, the province). The reinforcements from El Paso were not strong enough to take on the quickly reproducing Mexicans in Monterrey and had to Settle for picking on some armed Monclovans who seemed to appear out of nowhere. I am starting to believe there are hidden underground cloning facilities nearby and there's only one way to counter such an advantage – Indians! I had hoped the Mexican government to be a little smarter than to push the war onwards. I tell the viceroy of India to give random bystanders British passports, congratulate them on their new citizenship and then enlist them. The plan seemed to work and a training of nearly 30 000 fresh men had begun.


In June I am informed that the courts and parliaments of Europe consider British Gibraltar to be a model colony. They consider my good treatment of the native Spanish savages to be inspiring and now want to create little-Gibraltars all over Africa and Asia. I don't know whether this is good or bad, but it seems to have somehow caused brainstorms among British scientists.


Her Majesty's army's victories in Monclova and Chihuahua on the other hand are not very inspiring. I order my main army to take a breath and retreat back to Mexico, but my orders to another brigade to chase the Mexicans from Monclova to the mountains of Parral turns out soon to be a disaster.


Before getting their well-deserved rest, my main army clashes once more with Mexicans in Delicias. Since the occupation of El Paso is over, the well rested cavalrymen are sent in as reinforcements. The British victory is no better than the earlier ones.


For some reason the Moroccans are begging me for military access as well in their war against Spain. I inquire whether they happen to be collaborating with the Colombians and suddenly everything is clear to me. They explained to me how the French have dutifully taught the two nations everything they know about warfare. I suggest we take off our top hats and hold one minute of silence in remembrance of these soon to be extinct nations.

Suddenly I notice something alarming; the amount of Mexicans in Monterrey has tripled in just a month! Blasted! I might need more than just one division of Indians here.


Next up: The British model of tactical retreat.

Enewald said:

Indians, Indians everywhere!

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Zzzzz... said:

Indian human wave FTW!

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I'm not sure if we can call them Indians for long - they have been seen sporting bowler hats and monocles and sipping brandy in increasing numbers.

lordvagrant said:

These Mexicans seem to be putting up too much resistance. Don't they understand that you are doing this war for their own good (to save them from the Americans doing the same thing).

About the French and their military advisors - I suggest you take all nations from their SOI, in order to protect them.

Also, are the empire's most loyal and totally not rebellious subjects on that island to the west going to receive any form of autonomy?

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You mean the Irish? Hmm, I'm not sure if it's safe for themselves to let them go. You know, without someone watching over their shoulder.

In time I'm sure they will ask 'nicely' for freedom once they realise they are actually governed from London.

Nikolai said:

Mexico rightfully belongs to Mother Victoria. The Mexicans should be grateful to be wanted!

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Mother Victoria does not want Mexicans in her empire for some reason, that's why we are creating the utopian state of California for all Mexicans to enjoy under watchful British eyes.